Over time the query letter for my book FIRELIGHT has evolved. I won't say improved since that's a subjective term, but I like to think it has. In past posts I've provided my different versions along with the critiques I received for them. In this post I'm going to show the queries in order so you can easily see how it has changed over time. For the better I hope.
I know there are only 2 entries right now, but the list will grow eventually.
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Version #1
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Dear Agent,
Normal is:
Loathing the thought of sitting through another boring lecture.
Thinking about the cute girl across the study hall.
Knowing you may be an assassin's next target.
Taking ballroom dance lessons because your mom insists on it.
Learning martial arts because your dad insists on it.
Obsessing about the day you awaken to your magic.
Seventeen year old Seth is trying desperately to be normal, and for the most part he's pulling it off. He can take a punch as well as any of his friends despite secretly hating it. Nobody knows about the dreams he's been having that come true after he has them, or that he's being taught magic by people who are supposed to be dead.
Only his best friend Drake really knows him, and even Drake doesn't know everything.
As his friends start awakening to their magic Seth begins to wonder if he will even survive long enough to awaken. Until he does, his secret lessons are meaningless.
Seth finally awakens to his magic with the help of a newborn dragon friend, but something doesn't feel right. His magic is not working the way his teachers said it would. To top things off, the light of the sun has been blacked out. This is normal of course, it happens every year, but it has never lasted this long.
The season of darkness extends to being measured in weeks rather than its typical days. Then Seth feels a pull towards something far away in the darkness. Every day that pull gets stronger. He knows he is going to leave to find out what it is. The problem is, so does Drake. Does he allow Drake to tag along? Or does he leave his friend behind and go this one alone?
1ST AWAKENINGS is my debut fantasy novel, complete at 172,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Dallas Crockett
(address redacted)
dtscrockett@gmail.com
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What happened in between
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Query: I abandoned the unique twist I attempted to use because it clearly did not work the way I hoped. The new version is more focused.
Novel: The word count was too long, which resulted in having to cut it down into two separate books. The new title became FIRELIGHT. The second book will be a future project that runs in the same timeline as the first, but with different characters as the focus.
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Version #2
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Dear Agent,
Living in a violent society where everyone and everything uses magic, Seth Leoden is simply trying to survive until the time he too can awaken and use magic. The ability to use magic will allow him to begin making his way in the world, lifting him above the restrictions of childhood to begin the journey in becoming a man.
As part of a noble family living behind powerful castle walls Seth finds he is an assassin's next target. Worse for him, the assassin's name is well known among the people and much feared.
To humans, who have never had a dominant role in a world where magical creatures rule, nature is a treacherous frontier that only the strongest can survive alone. For the majority of humans the only barrier between nature and civilization is a fortified wall surrounding the city they live in.
In order to escape the assassin's blade Seth must hide in the very wilderness he has been raised to fear. Accompanied by a trusted body guard and his best friend Drake who refuses to let him do this alone, Seth quickly discovers facing the assassin might be the safer choice.
When the assassin learns where he is, Seth must face everything he has been running from.
FIRELIGHT is my debut fantasy novel, complete at 125,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Dallas Crockett
(address redacted)
dtscrockett@gmail.com
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